Yeah its a messed up question, but I'm sure there are others here who also feel this way and I don't know how else to reach out and ask for help to change how having COPD makes me feel about myself. Okay I need to stop writing this now because I'm crying and can't see through my tears very well.
I don't think it's a messed-up question at all. Or, if it is, I don't think you're alone in feeling this way. My dad says the same thing -- that he's the one who did this to himself, and that if he hadn't smoked, he wouldn't be in the condition he's in now. It's ironic -- when he smoked, he never wanted to hear anyone telling him that he shouldn't be smoking, yet now that he's ill from the effects of smoking, he cringes whenever he sees a young person smoking.
But no one is a mind-reader, and back when people in your age group started smoking, things like COPD and lung cancer weren't really talked about. People didn't know the kinds of damage that smoking could cause.
I think that being aware that your own life choices may have contributed to your condition is okay. To me, that's better than being in total denial about what caused your condition. But the important thing to remember is that, regardless of whether your COPD is your "fault" or not, it doesn't mean you aren't deserving of care, compassion, and empathy.
@A MyCOPDTeam Member Yes indeed life is too short to waste precious time dwelling on negative stuff and throwing pitty parties. All that does is make us feel worse. I think it's helpful to find something positive (no matter how small it is) to focus on with an attitude of gratitude which goes a long way.
Perhaps this idea is too far out there to work. We have sex education in our schools (in NZ anyway). Why don't we have smoking education in our schools too? Or find a way to get the warning messages across to children/teenagers (actually for adults too) like we do about the dangers of taking drugs and drinking too much alcohol.
Vivienne, get yourself tested for Alpha-1 Antitrypsin Deficiency. It's a genetic condition that results in lung and possibly liver disease. It's a simple blood stick and has obvious consequences for families.
@A MyCOPDTeam Member At some point I think we have to forgive ourselves for having smoked yet the deck in some ways was stacked against us from the beginning! The governments have held out both hands accepting the taxes from us and the tobacco companies. There will always be those who will look down at us, shake it off. Live life for yourself what ever good you can take from any of this grab it. I know I am happy I no longer smoke I know alot of folks who never smoked at all and they are in the same boat as we.I want to cry when My wife goes out onto the porch to lite up a fag she is not ready ! I have to let it go at that! Try to find some joy my friend !