Living with chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD) can mean having limited energy, time, and bandwidth. You may find yourself needing to say "no" more often than you did before you developed COPD. Do you have a tough time being direct with others about how you feel? It's not unusual to feel awkward or self-centered when turning down a request or an invitation. You may feel at the mercy of the other person's need.
Using "I" statements can help put you back in the driver's seat of the situation. An "I" statement directly communicates your feelings and sets a clear boundary, allowing you to focus on treating your COPD and managing lung disease-related symptoms like shortness of breath or coughing fits. For instance:
I don't feel like going.
I'd rather do something else instead.
I can't do it this week.
Whenever I attend that event, it takes me days to recover.
At first, you may feel vulnerable about using direct "I" statements when saying no. Your true feelings are exposed, and you may be judged for using COPD as an excuse. "I" statements can also be freeing! You don't need to pretend or tell a white lie. It's ok to communicate directly about what you need.
Using an "I" statement is a way of taking responsibility for your feelings. You are not blaming or accusing the other person. You are being honest about your needs and making sure they are recognized.
Members of MyCOPDTeam shared some of their experiences with communicating directly:
"I think it will be good for me to talk to him about my fears of going out."
"Please know your health inside and out."
"Please insist that you do indeed need it and no you cannot wait till the next day."
Have you used "I" statements to set boundaries? How did it feel?
Share your stories about direct communication in the comments below or on MyCOPDTeam.